Today's happenings... and a bit of catch-up

Today was another outing without Ashlie.  It went better than the "grocery store" outing the other day.  Let me back up a bit.  The other day, I had my first outing without Ashlie, well except for the several trips to the funeral home to complete paperwork.  Anyways... we went to the grocery store.  It seemed as if I was experiencing tunnel vision, looking through a tunnel, with the outer edges, blurred and white.  I found myself not wanting to look at anyone.  I did not want to see a happy mother, with a happy child at her side.  As my husband and I attempted to buy what groceries we needed, I found it increasingly difficult.  Before I could purchase all of my necessities, I told my husband "I can't do this anymore.  We've got to go."  So we paid for what purchases we had and went home.  The next day, it was time to take my youngest son to school.  On my return drive home, I forgot to look before making a turn into oncoming traffic.  I shrugged my shoulders and said to myself "oh well, I'll just be in heaven."  For you see, my parents are also in heaven.  My Dad passed expectedly in 2004, and my Mom passed unexpectedly 5 months later, in 2005.  I miss them dearly.  They were both only 67 years old.  Today's outing went better.  I am finding myself doing a bit, a teenie, tiny bit better each day.  I have felt and continue to feel that this is all just a bad dream.  One day someone will come along, wake me up and it will be over.  Even though another part of me tells me this "Cheryl, you saw her in her coffin.  You saw her in her bed.  You checked her vitals.  She was gone.  The EMTs told you that she was gone.  They performed an autopsy on her.  You have a death certificate."  Alas, I find myself waiting to be awoken from this terrible nightmare.
Oh yeah... I can't forget!  For Ashlie's services, she must have requested snow.  We were blanketed with a BEAUTIFUL snow.  Today we are getting yet another snow.  Ashlie!!  You little stinker... you got the kids out of school yet again!  Thanks for sending the snow... its beautiful.  Just like you...
TaTa4Now