News We've Been Waiting to Hear!

We found out today that Ashlie's school is having their little "memorial service" for her next Friday, April 22nd!  We have been anxiously awaiting the day we get to celebrate her life with her schoolmates and school staff.  They are going to plant a tree and we want to release balloons.  We released pastel pink and white balloons at her funeral and I want to release bright colors at her school.  That's all the plans that we know of so far!  I'm so excited, yet a bit anxious too.  I will have to leave work, go to the service, and then go back to work.  This might be a little hard to do.  At least I have about a 30 minute drive back to work.  I have really been enjoying this beautiful weather we have been having, but that also is bittersweet.  Ashlie and I quite often would sit outside on the patio when she came home from school.  She frequently fell asleep while soaking up some sunshine... wonderful memories!
TaTa4Now

Will It Ever Stop?

Every time I look at my favorite picture of Ashlie, I see what she looked like when I found her the dreadful morning that she passed away.  That "tape recording" plays over and over in my head so frequently... will it ever stop?
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Shared More of Ashlie's Medical Supplies

We were able to share more of Ashlie's medical supplies last night.  Words can't really describe how good it feels to share her supplies.  We also heard from her school yesterday and they are ready to setup the day to celebrate Ashlie!  The entire school will be involved in a ceremonial tree planting at her school!!  We are so excited!  Can't wait to celebrate with the school personnel and friends that she loved so much. 
Still haven't heard about the hospice job yet... aargghh!!
TaTa4Now!

What a Wonderful Day

What a beautiful day!  Its so nice to see the sun shining and listen to the birds chirping.  We met a wonderful family today.  The drove all the way from Iowa to pick-up some medical supplies that they had purchased from us.  We truly enjoyed our conversation with them.  God works in mysterious ways.  We feel blessed today.
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Thank You Miss Ashlie

On my way home from the first part of my split shift, I flipped my radio from country to an inspirational station.  They were discussing how people write in and say how much they were touched by a particular song relating to particular circumstances in their lives.  I wondered to myself, wow, wouldn't it be nice if I heard one of the songs we chose for Ashlie's services.  Well, not too far on down the road one of them came on!  I needed that SO badly.  I've been having a rough time lately.  Oh... you might want to know what song it was.  It was my favorite one that we chose, and it also was played at both of my parents services.  The song was "I Can Only Imagine" by MercyMe.  If you aren't familiar with the song, please take time to listen to it.  It is beautiful.  MercyMe is a contemporary Christian group.
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Struggling... yet again

Having such a hard time.  I called my prospective hospice employer.  Yet again, they have not "made their decisions."  So now, if they did hire me, I wouldn't start until May.  Enough is enough.  Each and every day my current job gets more and more difficult.  I almost can't hardly look at my patient... it is so painful.  It is taking EVERYTHING, and I mean everything, inside of me just to make it through the day.  I am exhausted.  Its hard enough to go on about life without Ashlie, but my job is making it almost seem unbearable.  Please keep my in your prayers.  I need the strength.  God be with all of you.  Ashlie... I wish you were here.
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We Got Moved!!

We got moved!!  We worked all day Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  Everything went fairly smoothly!!  Even managed to work around the rain showers.  BIG SHOUT OUT to my mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, and his friend!!  We couldn't have done it without you!!  I have parts of me hurting today that I had forgotten were even there!
As I thought it would be, the move was bittersweet.  Yes, I don't have to look at Ashlie's Room anymore, but darnit... she should be here with me.  Today, putting my little patient on the school bus was extremely hard.  Even for him, I watch at the door until the bus pulls away, just like I did with Ash.  Again... it should have been me putting Ashlie on the bus. 
Ashlie did come to visit me Saturday night though.  As I was sitting there with my eyes close trying to will myself to sleep... it has been eluding me, I felt her presence.  Her smiling, happy presence... running... playing... and off she went.  Thanks honey for letting me know that you found us!!  Ashlie you will forever ever be in my heart... forever a presesnce in my life.  You made the world a better place.
TaTa4Now