Struggling... in Several Ways

Well, I wasn't going to share this part of my journey.  Typically, by nature, I am a very private person.  But I feel as if I am teetering... unbalanced... and about to fall.  Will there be anyone to catch me if I do?  I am an RN, but my employer has not had any hours for me since Ashlie passed.  They have a new patient for me, but we are still awaiting state approval, so I have not started.  I have applied for several jobs, haven't heard from any as of yet.  I have the burden of being the breadwinner of the family, too.  Also, due to all of the snow, my husband has not had very many hours either.  So... not only are we dealing with the loss of Ashlie, but we are struggling financially as well, barely keeping our heads afloat in the tidal waves of life.  We have sold something that was meaningful to me, but alas necessary in order for us to have a roof over our heads.  My feelings run from numb... to feelings of "if one more things happens, I am not going to be able to take it"... to what are we going to do?  We don't have a grave marker for Ashlie either... yet another thing that eats away at me.  Our lease is up where we live and I desperately need out of here... looking at Ashlie's closed door all the time is just too hard.  Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode... sometimes I feel like I want to run away... sometimes I feel angry... sometimes I don't feel at all.
TaTa4Now