Showing posts with label grief acknowledgments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief acknowledgments. Show all posts

Friday, May 22, 2015

Life Circles

First, let me briefly explain what I do for a living.  I am a Registered Nurse, providing Private Duty Nursing for medically fragile children in their home.  What does that mean?  Basically, I provide nursing care for patients and their families in their own home.  I know that God truly blessed me when He put me on this path for my profession.  I absolutely love what I do.  I feel that I have been given the opportunity to truly make a difference in my patient's and their family's lives, and I don't take that choice lightly.  In March of 2011, just after I lost my own daughter, I was placed in a home with Colin.  For one year, I would be blessed to care for him.  In March of 2012, God would take him to Heaven.  His parent's chose to bring him home to pass away.  They also asked for me to be there.  I would hold him as he was taking some of his last breaths.  I would talk to him about Jesus, assuring him that it was okay, the angels would be with him on his journey.  Also assuring him that Ashlie would be there.  I KNOW that my Ashlie had already met him.  I would be with him at the kitchen table, giving him his feeding through his feeding tube.  He would look to the right, he wasn't able to speak, and get the BIGGEST grin on his face.  I would feel an OVERWHELMING presence of my Ashlie.  I would say to him, "Colin?  Is Ashlie here??  His response would be to again have a HUGE grin on his face and get VERY excited.  I would then talk with him about her.  I would often play "I Can Only Imagine," by Mercy Me and sing with it to him.  You see, that song was played at Ashlie's services, at both of my parent's also.  What I would find out later, is that his Daddy also played that song and sang it with him.  That song holds such a special place in my heart.  It remains to this day how my Ashlie reminds me that she is still here.   I keep in touch with this beautiful family.  We share a bond that goes beyond words, we always will.  I have moved a few hours away from them now, but they invited my son and I up in December of last year.  I can NOT describe how good it was for my SOUL to see them and spend time with them.  Again this weekend, we will be traveling to their home :)  I can not wait to see them all again :)
TaTa4Now

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Visited Her Grave Today

We visited Ashlie's grave today.  Unfortunately, her grave is two hours away from home.  Yesterday we bought pink spray paint to paint the two shepard's hooks that we had previously purchased for her gravesite.  We hadn't planned on getting the paint, just bought it on a whim.  Well, today we had to make an unexpected trip to the town where she is buried.  Worked out perfectly!  We got the hooks painted, placed in the ground, and hung the colorful items from them that we had purchased in her honor.  We left her grave with the lime green, pink, sparkly items blowing in the wind... just as her curls do now as she gallops all around heaven... playing... laughing
TaTa4Now

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I have a big decision to make...

I have a big decision to make.  The state I live in pays family to be careproviders for their own loved ones.  If you remember, I am an RN.  Well, since my daughter has passed, it leaves me without a patient, not just the loss of a child.  My feelings have gone back and forth as to whether I think that I can care for another child.  So I have been looking for nursing jobs where I would hide behind a desk and avoid the patient contact, avoid losing another patient, avoid becoming attached.  I applied for one such job, it was already filled.  Applied for another, haven't heard back yet.  Then today my employer calls me and has a new patient that they think would be great for me.  A 6 year old boy.  Yes, the same age as my angel was.  So there-in lies my dilemma.  Can I do it...  I was just speaking with a dear, dear friend of mine.  She reminded me of why I went into the specific field I was in, and the specific specialty that I chose.  To make a difference.  She also reminded me of "what would Ashlie want me to do?"  I will be discussing this decision with my husband shortly. 
Also today, I began preparing the "acknowledgments" or thank you's as most common folk, like me, call them.  I treasured reliving people's thoughtfulness.  But was soon consumed with grief.  I am beginning to awaken from my dream and am realizing the depth of her loss. 
The beautiful snow that God blessed us with came during the 5:00 rush hour traffic.  I anxiously anticipated my husband's return from work.  My thoughts were "what would I do if I lost both of them?"  Thankfully he made it home ok, late, but safe.  I greeted him with a big hug.  What a relief!  
We've had company for a few days.  Now we are back to an empty house and our empty hearts.  Time to go visit with the husband about my job.  He isn't particularly supportive of my caring for children again.  We will see...
TaTa4Now