Life...

I've really been contemplating life the past few days.  Life can really throw some painful curve balls at you.  Personally... I'm sick of life's curve balls...  I don't even own a catcher's mitt... and I'm sick of trying to catch them...  I keep getting hit by them.  What do I mean by all this?  I don't even know.  These past two years have been rough... really, really rough.  A change that was supposedly for the good for our family, turned out to be yet another broken promise... leading to more broken promises.  I'm tired of being let down... tired of struggling... just tired.  I've lost my faith in life... I've lost my trust in God... I've just simply lost my faith.
TaTa4Now

Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day... the day for Mothers... my 7th without mine.  I missed her terribly... from when I awoke... to when I fell asleep.  I just simply missed her.  Last year's Mother's Day was devastating without my Ashlie, it was my first without her.  This year, 7 years later, I'm again missing my Mom... just wanting to see her one more time.  My heart is also aching for my sweet patient's Mom this year.  (My 6 year old patient that passed in March of this year.)  I, unfortunately, know the depths of her pain... the loss of a child.  Something you don't "get over in time"... something you just simply learn to live with.... creating a life without them... a life honoring their memory.... something I have had to do after losing my parents so close together.
The bright spot of my day?  My oldest son taking me out to eat breakfast!  I had the pleasure of his company, his future wife's, her Mom, her brother, and my youngest son's!  I treasure ANY time spent with my kids!  I know that I haven't always been the best Mom, but I do know that I put every bit of my heart and soul into being the best Mom that I know how to be.  Hopefully, they will forgive my faults and know how much I truly love them.  I am so very proud... and so very lucky to have them in my life!
TaTa4Now

Happy Mother's Day?

Well... today is Mother's Day.  Don't know about the happy part.  I'm not feeling very happy at the moment.  Actually, I'm feeling pretty horrible.  I'm missing my Mom terribly today.  Yes, it's been 7 years... but my heart doesn't care.  I'd give just about anything for just one more hug... one more day.  I miss her laugh... I miss her making me feel so special... even on Mother's Day, and even though she was MY Mother.  But... on a happy note... my oldest son is taking me out for breakfast! Spending time with him will make me feel much better!  I wish I could have all of my little "chicks" together with me for Mother's Day, but it just isn't "doable" when they are spread out all across the nation... and one is in Heaven.  Time to get ready for my Mother's Day breakfast!
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Blog! I've Been Neglecting You!

Well... so much has happened.  I'm back from welcoming my 3rd grandchild into the world!  A baby boy.  Mom did awesome, baby boy... not so much at first.  He had pneumonia :(  After spending the first week of his life in the hospital, he finally got to come home.  It took him a bit to start gaining weight, but he's doing great now!  I cannot believe how well my daughter bounced back!  It was her third c-section and I was concerned for her recovery time before I had to go back home.  No need to worry!  She did amazing!!  Thank you God!!  I thoroughly enjoyed the time that I spent in Florida with my daughter and her family.  It was a much needed break away from my stresses at home.  I remain not working.  It is a much needed break, but I'm finding myself bored.  I just can't get motivated to finish the last unpacking and going through.  It's been a rough journey... going through the last of the things that I have left from my Mom.  I have to downsize... no choice and I have limited storage options for what I do want to keep.  It's exhilarating going through things... and devastating at the same time.  I miss my Mom so very much.  I miss the comfort of going into their home and knowing... NO MATTER WHAT... they loved me.  They truly loved... ME.  I feel like the only thing I have left of them is just that... THINGS.  Yes, I know I have my memories... I will always have my memories.  But... some material things have special, special memories.  So... it's been hard.  I'm emotionally exhausted from all of it.  I have told myself that I can't craft until I get everything unpacked and put away.  Ugghh... I hate fighting with myself.  I want to craft... it's actually fun!  But if I get started crafting, I will NOT finish my unpacking/sorting.  So... here I sit... staring at my wall decor that needs to be hung and the boxes that I need to put away and/or find a home for.  Bah humbug.  I also have found myself missing my little patient a lot this past week.  I felt as though I was a part of that family, I mourn that loss too.  Of course... I will always miss Ashlie.  Such a sweet butterfly...  Mother's Day is in two days :(  I'm dreading it...
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