Yay! Think I'm Headed Down the Mountain Now

It is so nice to be able to look at pictures of Ashlie and remember the wonderful memories that we made together, not what I saw on the dreadful day that she passed away.  That image frequently played over-and-over in my head.  Thank you God!  Also, I am now able to enjoy the crafting that I SO associated with her.  Before she passed, I had been making and selling my crafts to raise money for a wheelchair lift for her.  She often sat with me while I made them... smiling as my Cricut made it's "little buzzing" noises.  Finally, I have been able to start making my crafts again... and I am enjoying myself... it's a wonderful feeling.  Is my heart beginning to heal?
TaTa4Now

Reached a Milestone Today

Yay!!  I was able to create some crafts today!  No longer was I held captive by my pain!  For the first time since Ashlie passed away, I was able to make some of the craft items that I had been making and selling to raise funds for a wheelchair lift for our vehicle for Ashlie.  I can not explain the feeling of the "lightening" of my heart.  It is a wonderful feeling.  Thank you God for giving me the strength to once again enjoy one of my favorite past-times.  No longer will this area of my lift be held hostage by the pain of the loss of my Ashlie.  Which hurdle is next?
TaTa4Now

My Li'l Darlin'

My Darling Angel,
     Your Momma misses you!  I miss your smile when you woke-up in the morning.  I miss wrapping those curls around my finger.  I took those small things for granted.  I thought they would be there for many more years.  What do you think of heaven?  We had such a beautiful day the other day, the sunshine was amazing.  I couldn't help but think of what you see in heaven.  We have such a beautiful earth...  colorful flowers, green grass, snow-capped mountains.  How glorious it must be for you!  You keep on running and playing up there... with those curls bounce, bounce, bouncing in the wind.  I would love to hear you giggle as you run among the flowers, watch your face as you stop to pet the bunny, gaze as the sunshine bounces off of your hair.  You are so very loved... and so dearly missed.  Momma struggles with what she should do in your honor.  I had made such big plans, and had began the process of raising money so that we could put a wheelchair lift in "Betty", the van.  Just thinking about the crafts that I was making and selling for your lift makes me sick to my stomach now.  I want to get started making crafts again, but I SO much associate making them with my precious girl.  My emotions are torn as to what I should do.  Yet another decision God will have to help me with.  But first, I must put it in His hands.
     My heart also aches for my cousin.  He recently lost a child while serving in the military, fighting for our freedom.  God be with them.  We know his son is in heaven... heaven has received yet another guardian angel.
TaTa4Now

Visited Her Grave Today

We visited Ashlie's grave today.  Unfortunately, her grave is two hours away from home.  Yesterday we bought pink spray paint to paint the two shepard's hooks that we had previously purchased for her gravesite.  We hadn't planned on getting the paint, just bought it on a whim.  Well, today we had to make an unexpected trip to the town where she is buried.  Worked out perfectly!  We got the hooks painted, placed in the ground, and hung the colorful items from them that we had purchased in her honor.  We left her grave with the lime green, pink, sparkly items blowing in the wind... just as her curls do now as she gallops all around heaven... playing... laughing
TaTa4Now

Ashlie... you little stinker

     Ashlie... you did it again.  My oldest daughter, my granddaughter, and I went to visit my little patient.  After we got home, my granddaughter said to me "MiMi, I told (my patient's name) bye-bye and Ashee (her pronunciation of Ashlie) bye-bye."  I then said "did Ashlie go with us to (patient's name)'s house?" To which she replied "yes, MiMi" and then looked at me like, well DUH MiMi, of course she did.  Ashlie and my precious granddaughter sure did have a special bond.  God intends for it to live on... forever... just like Ashlie's memory will.  I sure do miss you Miss Ashlie.  I also am missing my grandbabies and their parents.  They left for the East Coast today, returning back to the Air Force base where my son-in-law serves our country.
     I have an interview in the morning!!  Please say a prayer for me!!  I am emotionally drained from my current job.
TaTa4Now

Let the Healing Begin

Last night I played with my grandbabies while their Momma and Daddy went to a movie.  Of course, I turned cartoons on for them.  Some of Ashlie's favorite cartoons just happened to be on the TV.  I haven't watched them since Ashlie passed away.  I actually found myself enjoying watching them... remembering how Ashlie would smile as she watched them and not take her eyes off of the TV.  It felt good to have a memory of Ashlie that didn't cause me pain, but brought me joy.  I hope I am beginning to transition into the healing, less painful mode of this journey.  Great evening!!
TaTa4Now

Angelic Encounters through my Granddaughter

All I can say is Wow... what a spectacular day.  My daughter, son-in-law, and precious grandchildren have made it here for a one week stay!  Words can not describe how much I LOVE them being here!!  This evening, my now 3-year-old granddaughter, "E", that was so close to my Ashlie, came to me and said this:  "MiMi, you need to hold Ashie's, how she says Ashlie, arm."  I said, "I do?"  To which she replied, "Yes MiMi, you do."  She then went on to say, "Ashie died.  She went to heaven.  MiMi say," and she says it loud like I did the morning that I found my sweet Ashlie gone, "Ashie's dead, Ashie's dead!"  and MiMi cry, and she makes the sounds of boohoohoo.  Then she proceeds to take me upstairs to "hold Ashie's arm."  Now, mind you, we now live where Ashlie never lived.  So, I go upstairs with E, while she is saying "come on MiMi, come on."  We go in each upstairs room, looking for Ashlie.  Then she takes me halfway down the stairs to the "midway" landing on them.  She proceeds to talk about MiMi holding Ashie's arm.  Then she begins to rub her arm up and down, and insists that Ashie wants to "hold your arm MiMi and do like this.  You do it MiMi," and I did.  Then on the edge of the stairs right above the memorial area that we have set up for Ashlie, which is also where we were standing, she tells me that I need to turn around one of the angels that I have sitting there.  E tells me that "Ashie wants it that way."  She then goes on the tell me that "Ashie is sad MiMi.  She wants to dance with her Daddy" and keeps pointing to the corner saying "see MiMi.  She is sad, she wants to dance with her Daddy."  Well, her Daddy was at work.  I called him and had E tell him that Ashlie was sad and wants to dance with her Daddy.  Later in the evening, E kept saying "see MiMi, there's Ashie."  I would say "where?"  E would point at a white pedestal that I bought as part of her memorial that we have in our home.  A very precious portrait that we found and looks almost EXACTLY like Ashlie, has an angel child sitting on a white pedestal.  E told us this twice tonite, about Ashlie sitting on the pedestal.  Wow... how comforting.  I can't explain how wonderful that feels.  I knew E and Ashlie had a special bond, but I did not realize it was such a powerful bond that it would continue even after Ashlie passed away.  God is good...