Three Years Since We Buried Our Angel

Today's post is written in her favorite color, pink.  I cannot believe it's been 3 years since our little girl was laid to rest.  The day we buried you there was the most beautiful snow I had ever seen falling from the sky.  Today there is a beautiful snow already on the ground.  A part of me says "wow, it has been 3 long years."  Where another part of me says "how can it be 3 years!"  I know that for me, I am now a different person.  I have changed the way I view the world.  I have became stronger in some areas, weaker in others.  By stronger, I mean that in some ways I have found a strength that I didn't have before to stand-up for myself.  I have became tired of hurting and took life by the reins to change that.  A person can only be walked on for so long, and yes, I became more aware of my role in allowing people to take advantage of me.  By weaker, I mean that I, unfortunately, am horribly afraid that others in my life will pass away suddenly, unexpectedly.  It is something that haunts me.  I do not have the inner strength that I once had either, it has been weakened.  I remain unable to look at pictures of Ashlie.  I think I fear going back to the dark, pain-filled place I once was.  Believe me, I don't EVER, ever want to hurt that badly again.  The pain you feel after losing a child is indescribable.  I hope I never, ever have to feel that depth of pain again.  I do have to thank Ashlie for the joy that she brought to me.  She was a ray of sunshine.  I will forever remember attempting to "tame" those curls of hers each morning as we prepared for her school day.  Forever remember opening her backpack as soon as we got back inside from getting off of the school bus and then reviewing her papers... and that big smile as we talked about each one.  Forever remember those walks down the walking trail after school, just you and I, and you sleeping all the way back home.  Forever remember when it was too hot to walk on the trail, we would sit on the patio and talk about nature, and school, and...  I will just simply... FOREVER REMEMBER...
TaTa4Now