Aaaarrrggghhh...

What a rough day.  Had to do three rounds of CPR on my little 6 year old patient today.  (He's okay by the way.)  I know God was with me as I breathed and pumped life back into him...  I felt absolutely no fear, no doubts about my choices...  just got in there and did what needed to be done.  As I drove home from such a rough day I pondered...  if only I had the opportunity to save Ashlie's life.  It wasn't meant to be though.  God needed her in heaven.  He has plans for my little guy here on Earth still.  Thank you God for my strength today.
TaTa4Now

Mixed Feelings Today

Crafting away today for a Holiday Mart at my sister-in-law's house this Thursday.  I actually am letting go and enjoying myself today.  It feels wonderful... haven't had so many thoughts of Ashlie and my Mom.  I SO associate crafting with both of them.  Then I have mixed feelings because I feel guilty for being happy and enjoying myself.  Liftup that chin up Cheryl... neither one of them would want to not be able to enjoy life...
TaTa4Now

Black Friday

Today wasn't terribly black.  I had a pretty good day.  Today would have been my Mom's 74th birthday.  Love and miss you Mom!!  Went next door to your favorite store today Ashlie... Justice!  Mom's favorite place to buy you clothes!!  You LOVED that store!!  They had such stylish, brightly colored, glittery stuff.  Miss you my angel...
TaTa4Now

Thankful?

Today I'm supposed to be thankful.  Well, I'm not feeling very thankful this morning.  Many of the most precious people in my life aren't with me today.  For the past several years, I have travelled to where my son-in-law was stationed to make my daughter's family a thanksgiving dinner.  Unfortunately, I can't afford to go this year :(  (they are in Florida.)  My oldest son is working today and then will be with his Dad's family :(  My parents have passed.  My Mom's birthday falls at Thanksgiving.  I've missed her terribly these past few weeks.  I would give anything to walk into their house and feel the love and acceptance I always felt from my parents.  I miss knowing that they loved me... no matter what.  I miss my Mom asking each and every one of us what we wanted for Thanksgiving dinner... and her making each person's favorite.  I miss her frantically running around trying to get everything just right.  She wanted everyone to be happy.  I miss my Dad's strength, he had such wisdom to offer.  Then there's my littlest angel.  I've missed her so much this month.  I remember when she first came to live with us, we had a Thanksgiving dinner to celebrate!  Another of her nurses joined us.  We were so thankful to have yet another addition to our family.  Now we are going into the holidays without her.  So I have the bah-humbugs today.  Guess that tells me I need to do some praying.  I haven't even been doing that much lately.
TaTa4Now

Happy 7th Birthday my Sweet Angel!!

My beautiful angel... happy birthday!!  I so vividly remember the first birthday that I was able to spend with you... your 5th birthday! We bought you a princess tiara and a hot pink boa!!  You looked so cute!!  It was just barely over a month since you had came to live with us.  Hard to believe that it's your 7th birthday and you are gone...  unimaginable.  I never thought we would lose you so soon.  We should be having a birthday party for you today... instead we are grieving your loss... missing you.  Fly high today my angel...
TaTa4Now

Sorry Its Been So Long!! Latest Angelic Encounter?

WOW!  What a month!  My husband just spent 3 weeks in the hospital.  He was in terrible pain and is now quite weak from the lengthy stay and illness.  He will have a fairly long recovery, but is doing well so far.  My daughter had not told my 3-year-old granddaughter that her PaPa was sick nor that he was in the hospital.  FYI - this is the granddaughter that had a VERY special bond with Ashee (as she pronounced her name.)  One day "E", granddaughter, came down from her room, told her Momma "Ashee is at the hopital (again, her pronunciation of hospital) with her Daddy."  My daughter said "what?"  She then repeated, "Ashee is at the hopital with her Daddy."  And off she went to play... nothing more said about it.   
TaTa4Now

Happy Fall Y'all

WOW!  It's already fall!  I remember taking "Miss Ashlie" outside and going for walks around her block.  Leaves all along the sidewalks as we went.  I would purposely make lots of noise kicking and crunching the leaves.  Stopping frequently to pick up different colored leaves and showing you... placing some of them in your hands and crunching them... I would see that tiny, little smile that I first began seeing on your face.  Oh how I treasured those first few smiles that I saw.  I would go home and say "Ashlie smiled today!"  Wow.  You went from tiny, little smiles once about every two weeks, to BIG, BEAUTIFUL smiles frequently.  Momma misses those smiles...
TaTa4Now