Can't Get The Image Out of my Head

     The image of how I found my daughter on the day she passed is stuck in my head.  I see it all of the time.  It is worse in my mind now than it actually was on the day it happened.  I won't go into details on here, but what I now see isn't what I found.  Why is this happening?  When will it stop?  Will it ever stop? 
     I still do not cry about her being gone.  Oh, I cry a few tears.  Then I quickly stop myself and stuff, stuff, stuff it down.  Cheryl, you can not cry.  You, my dear, must be the strong one.  You are the one that holds the family together.  Great... I'm the one holding the family together?!  Who's gonna catch me when I fall?  If I do fall, how is my family going to handle it?  Who will replace me in holding the family together?  Simply put... YOU MUST NOT FALL!  You can't... 
     I find myself not even praying for God's help any more.  How can he help me?  I don't even know what I need.  All I know is this...  I feel as if I have slipped off of the edge, into a big, nasty pit... and I don't even want to crawl out.  I'm tired of fighting, digging... slipping back into the pit.  So, Cheryl, what are you going to do about it?  Well, I feel that I need to get some mental health counseling to help me through this.  But... guess what?  My employer cancelled my insurance while I was off work after my daughter passed away.  So now I have no health insurance.  Ugghh... what's a girl to do.
TaTa4Now