Mixed Feelings Today

Crafting away today for a Holiday Mart at my sister-in-law's house this Thursday.  I actually am letting go and enjoying myself today.  It feels wonderful... haven't had so many thoughts of Ashlie and my Mom.  I SO associate crafting with both of them.  Then I have mixed feelings because I feel guilty for being happy and enjoying myself.  Liftup that chin up Cheryl... neither one of them would want to not be able to enjoy life...
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Black Friday

Today wasn't terribly black.  I had a pretty good day.  Today would have been my Mom's 74th birthday.  Love and miss you Mom!!  Went next door to your favorite store today Ashlie... Justice!  Mom's favorite place to buy you clothes!!  You LOVED that store!!  They had such stylish, brightly colored, glittery stuff.  Miss you my angel...
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Thankful?

Today I'm supposed to be thankful.  Well, I'm not feeling very thankful this morning.  Many of the most precious people in my life aren't with me today.  For the past several years, I have travelled to where my son-in-law was stationed to make my daughter's family a thanksgiving dinner.  Unfortunately, I can't afford to go this year :(  (they are in Florida.)  My oldest son is working today and then will be with his Dad's family :(  My parents have passed.  My Mom's birthday falls at Thanksgiving.  I've missed her terribly these past few weeks.  I would give anything to walk into their house and feel the love and acceptance I always felt from my parents.  I miss knowing that they loved me... no matter what.  I miss my Mom asking each and every one of us what we wanted for Thanksgiving dinner... and her making each person's favorite.  I miss her frantically running around trying to get everything just right.  She wanted everyone to be happy.  I miss my Dad's strength, he had such wisdom to offer.  Then there's my littlest angel.  I've missed her so much this month.  I remember when she first came to live with us, we had a Thanksgiving dinner to celebrate!  Another of her nurses joined us.  We were so thankful to have yet another addition to our family.  Now we are going into the holidays without her.  So I have the bah-humbugs today.  Guess that tells me I need to do some praying.  I haven't even been doing that much lately.
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Happy 7th Birthday my Sweet Angel!!

My beautiful angel... happy birthday!!  I so vividly remember the first birthday that I was able to spend with you... your 5th birthday! We bought you a princess tiara and a hot pink boa!!  You looked so cute!!  It was just barely over a month since you had came to live with us.  Hard to believe that it's your 7th birthday and you are gone...  unimaginable.  I never thought we would lose you so soon.  We should be having a birthday party for you today... instead we are grieving your loss... missing you.  Fly high today my angel...
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