Angelic Encounter?? Memorial Day

Well... I think the angels were at it again.  My 2 year-old granddaughter, "E", wanted to call her MiMi, me.  Here is our phone conversation:
E:  "MiMi, where's Ashie (her word for Ashlie)?"
MiMi: "She's in Heaven."
E: "No, MiMi" and a pause... "Momma, where's Ashie?"
Momma says: "She's in Heaven, honey."
E: "No Momma... she's in..." and she named a town.  This town was recently devastated by a tornado.  Ashlie and E were both born in this town, at the same hospital.  Although, E now lives on the East coast where her Daddy serves our country in the Navy.  This same town is also where Ashlie had the horrible car wreck that caused her disabilities.  After our conversation, I was left pondering this thought... was Ashlie one of the many angels sent to this town to watch over people or perhaps she even accompanied them on their journey to Heaven.  Was this yet another one of God's plans for Ashlie...?
This is Memorial Day weekend.  We visited Ashlie's gravesite yesterday.  It was so hard.  It just doesn't seem fair.  I shouldn't be putting an angel statue and flowers on her grave.  Why my child?
TaTa4Now!

Planted Daisies for Ashlie

Well, this C R A Z Y weather finally leveled off enough to allow me to plant some flowers outside, it has been too cold outside at night for them to survive.  One of Ashlie's previous nurses and I, were preparing Ashlie's new room at our house, and had chosen some Gerber daisy stems to use as decor in her room... such bright, lovely colors... bright yellow, turquoise, lime green, hot pink, and purple... bright and colorful as she was.  Yesterday, I planted real gerber daisies in a bright blue pot... for Ashlie... they now sit next to the angel figurine that her youngest biological brother's family, he's also adopted, had sent in a flower arrangement when she passed away.  This completed a wonderful day spent with family, either on the phone, or in person.  I was blessed to spend time with my husband and youngest son, talk with my older son on the phone and make plans for the summer, and say nighttime prayers with my granddaughter.  Although my granddaughter didn't thank Jesus for her MiMi, just PaPa... LOL  children are so precious...  take the time and enjoy them.  You never know what God has planned...
TaTa4Now

Six Years Ago Today

Wow... six years ago today my Mother went to be with Jesus.  Although I have learned to live without her, I still miss her dearly.  I miss her when I go to garage sales, I miss her at holidays, I miss her when I'm cooking, I miss her when I'm sad.  Obviously... I just plain miss my Mom.  Some times I'm even jealous that she gets to be with my Ashlie, just kidding Mom.  What do you think of her beautiful, bouncing curls?!  You've been on my mind all day.  I hope I've made you proud.  Love you forever...
TaTa4Now

Bittersweet Day

Yesterday was a bittersweet day for me.  We had purchased a conversion van, the BIG HUGE one, to transport Ashlie and her wheelchair in.  For some reason I had named her Betty.  Yes, I do realize that it is a bit odd to name a vehicle, but... I did.  She was quite old and had very high mileage... she was beginning to wear out.  I had to trade her in on a more economical car yesterday.  It was quite bittersweet.  I was excited to be getting a more dependable vehicle, but sad to yet again have to get rid of something that was Ashlie's.  I did remember to get a picture of Betty before I took her off to the dealership.
This was an extremely rough week.  Mother's Day took a lot out of me emotionally.  I still struggle with how other's can expect you to participate in someone else's Mother's Day activities involving young children, without thinking about the effects of it on someone who just buried a child.  Maybe I'm just being selfish...  really?  nah, I think others were being selfish.  I find that if I am at all assertive, people around me resent it.  Hmm... they are far too used to my letting them walk all over me.
TaTa4Now

A Rough Mother's Day

Mother's Day was terribly difficult this year.  I've had some difficult Mother's Days since I lost my Mom, but this year was the worst ever.  Not only did I miss my Mom, I felt empty inside knowing that Ashlie wasn't here with me.  Church was even difficult.  But, as I far too often do, I forced my feelings down and made it through.  Just like I did while attending a family obligation.  Words cannot express how difficult it was to watch someone else enjoy their children when you have one in heaven that you can't enjoy.  Thankfully I still have other children that I can enjoy.  Better yet, I have grandbabies!
I have to vent about one thing though.  Mother's Day being so difficult, of course I got a migraine.  Still had it Monday morning so I called in sick to work.  For those of you who don't know, I am a nurse that goes into my patient's home and cares for him 7 hours a day.  This was the first time in 3 years that I called into work.  Guess what??!!  My employer didn't call my patient's family and tell them that I had called in sick!  Yeah... really.  They didn't even let my family know.  I was flabbergasted (not sure about spelling)!  Unbelievable...
TaTa4Now

Who Left That on my Bed?

While shopping for what to wear at Ashlie's funeral services, my sister-in-law bought me a beautiful cross necklace.  I had forgotten to take it off on the Sunday that we moved, after church.  As I was working, moving our belongings and knowing that I shouldn't do it, I stuck it in my husband's shirt pocket.  That was the last that I saw of it and he hadn't seen it either.  This left me brokenhearted... devastated.  Well, a few nights ago, I had gone to bed.  My husband was still awake downstairs.  A bit later, I had gotten up to use the restroom, my husband was still downstairs.  When I came back to bed, there laid the necklace!  My precious cross necklace... safe and sound.  Needless to say, I was ELATED! 
Hmm...  wonder who left it there...

On another note... this will be a rough Mother's Day this year.  But I did just get to have lunch with my oldest son.  It was fabulous!!  Happy Mother's Day everyone!!  I hope you have a blessed day!!
TaTa4Now!

Angels Among Us?

My granddaughter was visiting this past week, she was very close to Ashlie.  My daughter, granddaughter, and I were in a store that I had frequented before Ashlie passed away and had purchased her something for her room.  As we stood in line waiting to pay for our items, my granddaughter, "E", said "MiMi, Ashee (her word for Ashlie) wave at you."  Just a bit later E says "Ashee kiss you on the cheek MiMi."  Miraculously, I had felt a slight "brush" against my cheek.  I wouldn't have thought anything of it if E hadn't said that to me.  My granddaughter is only two year old.
The reality of Ashlie's death continues to "soak" in.  I still find myself doubting the reality of her being gone.
TaTa4Now!